So It turns out I wasn't meant to be a housewife. 

I keep coming back to the music. 

I really liked being a fiancee, but my fiance...well, didn't. My  [ex]-fiance liked the receptionist at work. 

So now I'm writing songs, and recording guest features on other folk's albums, and even singing in a local musical! 

Since the split I've met someone who shares my passions and it's awakened a part of me I had put to sleep; me as an artist, me as a creative. It was just really hard to be the musician I wanted to be when I was struggling with so many things and feeling uninspired and lacking support. I stopped believing in my talent and my dreams. 

I thought it was a really good idea to love someone who wasn't an artist because they would provide me with stability. Turns out stability can sometimes mean stagnation. 

 

Embrace change, embrace the uncertain. Nothing is promised for tomorrow. 

 

I'm going to keep making covers and uploading them, it's fun. Here's a cover of one of my favorite songs. I sang it on a Friday, she left me on a Saturday, and now life feels like Sunday morning; sacred and full of promise. 

It's been ten months since I last checked into this space. It was time to heal.

And now I am feeling better.


Then I was trapped in cycles of intergenerational trauma and lateral violence

Now I am free of chains

Then I was drowning in ancestral memories and pain

Now I am grounded and finding peace

Then I was struggling to take care of myself, to know that I was important enough to seek help

Now I am rested, and becoming healthy

Then I was a slave to my mental health struggles

Now I am able to manage my anxiety and depression

Then I couldn't sing a note

Now I feel the joy of music creeping through my fingers. I feel ready to perform again.

Then I was unsatisfied in my career

Now I have found a shift in career direction that is sustaining me on a financial, emotional, and creative level

Then I couldn't visualize even having a future

Now I see my future clearly


I'm not really sure how I got better. Time, mostly. Distance from toxicity. Exercise, medicine. Meditation. Slowing down. And of course, the support of my fiancee, and friends. The world is changing so fast and in many scary ways. It can be hard to value yourself, especially if you belong to a marginalized community. But please try to. Take good care of yourself. 

Where am I now? I am here. 

I hope  you are too. 


 

It's been a little quiet here on my website, I know. I'm sorry.

The reason things have been so low key over here is because my life has been ANYTHING but tranquil. After National Aboriginal Day, Sierra Jamerson and the Symptoms played at the Indigenous Pavilion at Heritage Days, I went on a little Alberta Tour with Tod Hughes of the rocking and rolling Tod Hughes Project, and I turned 23.

Two days after my birthday I had the privilege of filming the live video for Back to Body with The Northern Sessions, an amazing group of people who make music videos [FOR FREE] for local artists. When I look back on this video, I am moved by the sincerety, the pain of a life lived with constant "not good enoughs" floating through my head every time I looked into a mirror. Medgine's spoken word piece and her delivery were so raw even my poor therapist cried! Haha.

But I also look back on this video and see a young woman who was about to collapse from all the pressures she was putting on herself. I wanted so badly to be perfect, to be thin enough, to only take up a small amount of space, to be desired, to be successful, to be financially secure, to advance my career, to be the best, to be flawless....

"Why do we keep killing ourselves for a love that don't belong?"

I had to stop. Two weeks after the filming of this video I was officially diagnosed with generalized anxiety, depression, and PTSD, but honestly this was really no surprise to me. I knew my head was messed up. It was time to slow down and get healthy. The beautiful thing about musicians is that we are able to take our suffering and turn it into the most heartbreaking, inspiring, beautiful and healing piece of music you have ever heard. This is our gift to the world but it comes at a price. I have paid my price, and now I am healing. Having anxiety sometimes feels like my head is spinning 100 feet in the air. Having depression sometimes feels like my head is in a dark underground cavern where I forget what the sun feels like. Having PTSD sometimes feels like there is a masked killer behind every corner waiting to assault me. Now I'm learning what it's like to feel grounded. To be here now. To be in my body, and not just my mind. I meditate, I pray, I cast the spells that need to be cast and sing the songs I need to sing. I ask my ancestors for guidance. I listen to the wisdom of the earth. I plant my feet firmly on the ground each day - not in the air, not in a cave, and not behind every dark corner.

I breathe.

And so,for  you who may or may not visit this website, and may or may not wonder why I haven't been up to anything since April, don't worry. I've been up to a great deal. I am learning how to take care and love myself, to heal, and to take things slowly. This industry is a machine, but I want to be like a tree. Grounded, growing slowly and becoming stronger and more magnificent with each gently passing year. I promise more shows, more songs, and more feelings soon.



 

Recently, Trail of Tears was released to radio as my very first radio single. I'm a little behind on radio releases but I am so excited to finally get the ball rolling! So far, there are about twenty radio stations who have picked it up! I think that this is perfect timing. With my National Aboriginal Day performance coming up, and Trail of Tears on the radio, I've decided to post a lyric video onto YouTube this Friday! As always, stay tuned on here and via my Twitter @SierraJamerson for everything #TeamSJ. Trail of Tears is a song written about the historical event of the same name. Following the Indian Removal Act of 1830, members of the Cherokee, Choctow, Muscogee, Chickasaw and Seminole tribes were forcibly relocated from their traditional lands in southeast U.S to an area west of Mississippi, Indian Territory. Of the 16,000 who were moved, up to 6000 perished in the trek, much of which took place during winter. I have Choctaw ancestry on my mother's side but I wrote this song not only in honour of the Indigenous people who died during the Trail of Tears. It is also in honour of the Tahltan struggle to preserve our Sacred Headwaters from exploitation and resource accumulation by Shell Oil. Many Tahltans still live on our traditional territory, downstream from where the proposed mines and environmental destruction were to take place. We still live off the land to a large extent, being so far north that store bought food and goods are quite expensive. My own grandmother and many other grandmother's risked their freedom in protest to protect this land, in turn ensuring that a natural area considered by scientists to be a major lung of the earth, would continue to live on. This sounds like ancient history, but it all took place about ten years ago, and continues to be negotiated to this day. My elders have charged me with the responsibility to go forth and share the message of my people with the world, and I am pleased to do so with Trail of Tears. Look out for more celebrations of Aboriginal history and culture this Sunday, in Churchill Square with my band, on your radio dial, and on Youtube. Love, SJ

Another very delayed post, but a post nonetheless!

Things have been great over here on #TeamSJ. Last weekend I played a fundraiser for the Metis and Dene northern trappers of La Loche, who have set up an outdoor tent blockade in -50 weather to preserve their traditional hunting and trapping lands from bitumen and other mineral development [exploitation]. Black History month is almost upon us, and I have a few exciting shows then too! I'm still trying to find some balance in my schedule between teaching full time, being creative, and sharing creativity with all of you, and it really and truly is a challenge. Thank you all for sending me lots of love during this very transitionary period of my life and career. 

  I'm going to have some news for you soon regarding that tour this summer and some festival dates! Not to mention...sponsorships?!?!?!

Here's a video of myself singing Sam Smith's "Lay Me Down" at  a private concert in December. All the best for 2015!!!! xoxoxoxo





Love,
SJ