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On Groundedness and Coming Back to Our Bodies 

It's been a little quiet here on my website, I know. I'm sorry.

The reason things have been so low key over here is because my life has been ANYTHING but tranquil. After National Aboriginal Day, Sierra Jamerson and the Symptoms played at the Indigenous Pavilion at Heritage Days, I went on a little Alberta Tour with Tod Hughes of the rocking and rolling Tod Hughes Project, and I turned 23.

Two days after my birthday I had the privilege of filming the live video for Back to Body with The Northern Sessions, an amazing group of people who make music videos [FOR FREE] for local artists. When I look back on this video, I am moved by the sincerety, the pain of a life lived with constant "not good enoughs" floating through my head every time I looked into a mirror. Medgine's spoken word piece and her delivery were so raw even my poor therapist cried! Haha.

But I also look back on this video and see a young woman who was about to collapse from all the pressures she was putting on herself. I wanted so badly to be perfect, to be thin enough, to only take up a small amount of space, to be desired, to be successful, to be financially secure, to advance my career, to be the best, to be flawless....

"Why do we keep killing ourselves for a love that don't belong?"

I had to stop. Two weeks after the filming of this video I was officially diagnosed with generalized anxiety, depression, and PTSD, but honestly this was really no surprise to me. I knew my head was messed up. It was time to slow down and get healthy. The beautiful thing about musicians is that we are able to take our suffering and turn it into the most heartbreaking, inspiring, beautiful and healing piece of music you have ever heard. This is our gift to the world but it comes at a price. I have paid my price, and now I am healing. Having anxiety sometimes feels like my head is spinning 100 feet in the air. Having depression sometimes feels like my head is in a dark underground cavern where I forget what the sun feels like. Having PTSD sometimes feels like there is a masked killer behind every corner waiting to assault me. Now I'm learning what it's like to feel grounded. To be here now. To be in my body, and not just my mind. I meditate, I pray, I cast the spells that need to be cast and sing the songs I need to sing. I ask my ancestors for guidance. I listen to the wisdom of the earth. I plant my feet firmly on the ground each day - not in the air, not in a cave, and not behind every dark corner.

I breathe.

And so,for  you who may or may not visit this website, and may or may not wonder why I haven't been up to anything since April, don't worry. I've been up to a great deal. I am learning how to take care and love myself, to heal, and to take things slowly. This industry is a machine, but I want to be like a tree. Grounded, growing slowly and becoming stronger and more magnificent with each gently passing year. I promise more shows, more songs, and more feelings soon.